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One week makes me weak

School has started again this week. I really longed for it, but now I see, that I break down under pressure, oh my god, it was just one week, so how can I survive the other ones? First, everything changed, new class, new people, new teachers... But old problems. I fight everyday for a new chance to get away. In the moment I'm just lost in my world full of darkness, and I wonder why I never see the light. I try to do everything right, but all I can do is making mistakes. Sometimes I don't even understand myself anymore. And in school I try to concentrate, I give my best, but I feel how I fall every day. I can't go on like this. My body feels tired, and my soul is already dead. Just broken and torn, I'm not able to do anything...

My history teacher is one of the biggest poblems for me. She is the kind of person, that doesn't understand anything. There is her emotionality on the one hand, but on the other one these emotlional things make me break. I can't listen to her talking about suicide. History was one of my favorite subjects, and now it's pure agony. I don't want her to talk about death, but she does it again, again and again. It's not our topic. On top of that it makes me dead inside.

But there is still something left. In one week we are going to Denmark. Finally. I'm looking forward to that. But first I have to survive another week. But I'm too weak.

~Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something if you had the cash? Have you ever felt blue? Or thought your train moving, while sitting still? Maybe I was crazy... Or maybe I was just a girl, interrupted.~ *Susana (Winona Ryder) in "Girl, interrupted"*

8.9.06 20:23
 


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