... to breathe, to feel again. I lose my faith and I'm too weak to stand this life anymore. Tomorrow school is going to start again and I am afraid of the pressure coming up again. And I am scared of losing my mind. But what I fear the most is failing. I can't cope with this, I wanna make everything right, but I always let it fall, I break it, I destroy it. Everything I do is wrong. The problem is not that I am bad in school, no, but I am not good enough. I want to be perfect. But perfection is so far away from me. And it seems the more I am running for it, the farther it is getting away from me. No way to reach it. And then I break down and I lose it all. And exactly this happened a couple of weeks ago. So now I have to face the truth again. I am afraid of school, because I know I won't be able to survive it unhurt. And I am at the start again of this cycle I wanted to break, but as I do in everything: I failed.
~Everytime I try to gasp for air, I am smothered in dispair, it's never over, seems I'll never wake from this nightmare, I let out a silent prayer - let it be over~ *Christina Aguilera - Walk away*